Have you ever loved someone but wanted them to change, oh… just a little bit?
You know you loved them soooooooo muuuuuch and you would love them soooo muuuuch more if only they would just change this or that thing about themselves.
Well, that would work if people were projects and although many of us see a relationship as a work in progress it is pretty much the kiss of death to impose your vision on someone else that way.
You may not realize it at first but trying to change someone you love into your perfect vision of what they should be is a slow and insidious relationship murderer…
People can and do change, yes , but change, real change , can only be self motivated.
Let’s not bullshit here and let’s get completely honest.
Have you ever tried to change something in yourself? How did that work out for you? Can you remember how hard that really was? Did you even succeed? And if you did, do you remember how white-knuckle-hard it was to stray on track? Or how many times you failed before succeeding?
Well if it is that hard to change yourself , then imagine how hard it is to try and change someone else. You can’t. Sorry! They will look like they changed just to please you but how long do you think that will last before the cracks in the veneer just can’t hold authenticity back anymore?
People really only change because they really want to change. Usually it is because they’ve had an epiphany or enough pain or incentive to desire change themselves. Not just because someone else wants them to. No matter how much that other person wants them to!
Now that we’ve established that you can’t really truly change someone else, let’s ask the real hard core question now. Who does the change in question really benefit?
Do you desire this because it will make your life easier or your loved one’s?
Change is a mysterious and very personal process that can take a moment to decide but years to implement and perfect.
Wouldn’t it be a lovelier planet if we just appreciated and encouraged the other person to be himself or herself and took on responsibility for the changes in our own selves?
Wouldn’t it be awesome if by shining a bright example of personal change we inspired those who love us to want to change themselves?
So maybe, just maybe, what we are saying is that by focusing on bettering ourselves we may inspire our significant other to fallow suit… naturally. And maybe by appreciating their uniqueness and encouraging them to be who they truly are, we may help build confidence in them so that should they want to change they would feel that have your support.
MMMhhh… that kinda sounds like real love now, doesn’t it?