What do you say behind your loved one's back.
Did you know what you say and think about the other person when their back is turned could deeply affect your relationship?
Ok we ‘re not talking about the occasional “bitch” mumbled under your breath or the “asshole” you might think to yourself after an unfortunate bicker fest.
No, we are referring to the thoughts and words you feed your brain about your loved one. Especially recurring ones.
And yep, you guessed it: positive thoughts can affect your relationship positively and negative ones can only affect it in kind.
Please examine your thoughts for a moment to get what we’re saying here, when you think about your other half.
Are you full of admiration and pride for them? Do you keep thinking about how much you appreciate their love? Is your head full of ways you want to try to please them with or make their life more fun or more efficient or more… whatever it is that is most important to them?
What about when you talk about them to someone else? Do you use condescension or belittle them in their absence? Or, god forbid, refer them as your “ball and chain” or something of that nature? Do you ignore their call in front of others and say “oh that’s just my girlfriend, I’ll take it later” Holy red flag alert Batman!
Did you know that your thoughts and your words, (unless you suffer from turrets), are controllable and yours to monitor and shape at will?.
Many of your thoughts are created out of habit. Habits are formed from repetition (or patterns). These patterns can emerge out of laziness or they can blossom out of mindful purposeful training.
Now don’t get us wrong we do realize that many of our thought patterns are the results of various life experiences and traumas that would perhaps take years of therapy to understand and let alone resolve, but we are only referring to the thoughts on the level that can be accessed and controlled by you about your relationship that you are in right now.
Lets do an example thingy here:
Like, you know when you are with the girls and you’ve had a few and the convo turns to relationship talk (cough, cough) and things are said, beans are spilled and everyone is laughing about all the embarrassing things the dudes do … and it’s all in fun so why not? But then, the one annoying girl doesn’t partake and she only has the best things to say about her partner. And while everyone else in the room may roll their eyes and call her “Sandra Dee” we guarantee they’re all envious deep down.
Why? Because negative words said behind someone’s back are symptomatic of a power struggle. And although most of us don’t want to find ourselves in that kind of love relationship somehow it is precisely what happens many times to most people. So when we come across someone who is respectful of their loved one’s in their absence and remains positive about them “behind their back”, we are impressed whether we want to admit or not.
So, why not be that girl? Or, that guy? Why not resist the low level urge to demean your loved in their absence and instead focus on what you love about them. (you are still with them for a reason aren’t you???)
Focus on small things, simple things. Replace bad thoughts (or lazy thoughts) with thoughts you would hope your partner thinks about you. The way they smell for example, the way they ‘re still a kid sometimes even though they manage a whole office of people at work, the way they make you feel when they touch your face… anything that makes you feel good about them. This is your mind after all , are you really going to let it populate with negative thoughts about the person you are sharing your life with??? That’s just freaking stupid, really!
The more your mind consciously breeds positive messages the better in control you are of patterns in your love life. You can directly affect your brain waves and how you perceive your loved one by replacing lazy thoughts with mindful thoughts. And in turns you could pour those good vibes directly into your relationship, improving it in the process! Think about it! Literally! Now go and love!
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