Bad days… you’ve had them, we’ve had them, everyone has had them!
We try to avoid them like 14th century plague; we try to ignore the signs although even before they happen we get that ugly little feeling of dread and then…
Bang! Damn! A bad day!
Often they don’t need a specific reason to poke their sharp annoyances at our existence. Sometimes they’re a result of an accumulation of little things left unchecked. Sometimes they’re a direct influence of our environment, (Hello rainy days!) sometimes they rise up from miscommunication or personal issues and work stress, and sometimes it’s just the mood of the day.
How we handle a bad day within a relationship is quite foretelling of it’s future,
so it’s a good thing to examine our reactions as a couple so that we may have some awareness should we go thru similar experiences again.
Now everyone has baggage, expectations and personal limitations that will affect how we treat each other in those circumstances. Our defense mechanisms are quite powerful and against our better judgment and our very best intentions we may worsen a simply unpleasant day to epic proportions when we let our automatic patterns take over. Although this is true, it takes a huge amount of conscientious examination to even get to the point of probing our personal mechanisms, let alone have control over how they affect us or how we treat others because of them. And of course we could say that unyielding communication is key, and how listening to each other is massively important as well as sensibly not blaming each other for our rotten day is fundamental to a “healthy relationship”.
But we don’t want to pretend that being an evolved couple means always acting in a proper respectful adult manner when in conflict as we sit across from each other mirroring each other’s behavior to insure our respective boundaries aren’t crossed.
In the real world where most of us live without any fancy couple therapy degrees, those strategies are just not realistic! Real couples will bitch at each other on a bad day, they’ll clench their teeth, they’ll act hot blooded. They’ll be…Human!
And that’s all right!
The only real solution to getting thru a bad day as a couple is to cultivate an amazing relationship in every other aspect so that when the shit does hit the fan there’s real love there to wipe up the mess. So that when the clouds do pass and the sun is ready to shine again on you both, the love is there to help you see the situation with humor and laugh it away.
Real love doesn’t mean there’s never a bad day, it doesn’t even mean you can handle the bad days any better then anyone else (although it can help) but it does mean that during every other day of your most amazing relationship you have created a powerful safety net made of good days strong enough to support the weight of both of you and thus you can safely fall and have a #fail day. And live to see anotherJ
The worst is nothing when you have seen the best in each other… We wish you an amazingly good day!