During our thirty years plus together we have come across many, many couples as you can imagine. Some get it right, others well… time always tells.
There’s a particular warning sign pertaining to change that we’d like to explore this week that all couples should be aware of.
We call it the “Salsa Syndrome”!
Let’s get it straight here peeps, There is absolutely nothing wrong with Salsa itself or any other activity you choose to spend your time on. The “Salsa Syndrome” has become symbolic to us because we have seen that when one member of the couple decides « out of the blue » to pursue an activity that doesn’t include the other, Salsa for example, it could be a warning sign that it’s time to explore some changes together to prevent any damages to your relationship.
Careful Now, we are not talking about someone, for example who is fitness buff and simply continues to pursue activities that are natural to that person. Or if someone loves golf and religiously plays it with friends.
There is nothing wrong with having and pursuing personal interest.
But it is when the interest is sudden and maybe out of character, that the person might be expressing a deep need for change within the relationship itself. This is when it is time to talk, observe, gently probe and eventually find a way to change together.
Change is really hard, we all know that! As we’ve explored in earlier posts sometimes we have to drag our own butts towards something new as we’re kicking and screaming, resisting with every procrastinating bone in our bodies, even though our life experience tells us that change comes whether it’s welcomed or not.
Our relationships are not fixed, and even if the nature of what binds us can remain intact, we are not impervious to flux, wear and tear and the effects of time.
Some of us go with the flow and are natural adaptors while others stick to our ways long after they no longer serve us.
Cupid, kidder that he is, usually matches us with the exact opposite type when it comes to this particular matter. (yeah, he’s funny like that!)
There are ways to use this to the advantage of our relationship! For instance when we feel that little itch of change or when we spot it in our partner, we can learn to trust this sign and act upon it.
Instead of being surprised or annoyed by it, we can welcome it and be creative about implement some fresh elements in time together.
It’s no surprise that during the course of our relationship we both flow together so well. You can see it even in our style of dressing, sometimes one of us will even change our clothing to blend with the other more before we walk out the door.
If one of us starts a new vitamin program, the other will too! Juicing…ditto!
We even get couple manis together (hey Natalia!), we would go as far to say that some of our opposing values and philosophies have found common ground throughout the years.
Now of course we’re not saying you should push similarities as extremely as we do
(although thirty years and counting is pretty good endorsement for the concept!) But we are saying to pay attention to your each other’s changes and sudden interests. Try to flow with them and see them as opportunities to evolve together instead of viewing them with suspicion and letting them drive you away from each other. And if one of you suddenly wants to go to Salsa class, why not both go together and see where your dancing feet will take you next?