Are you talking your relationship to death?
You know how relationship experts so often say that communication is the key to a successful relationship?
Well unless they’ve been in in a long-term relationship themselves and they know something we don’t know, we’re here to tell you that over communication can be
A romance killer!
If you talk everything to death… well that already says it all doesn’t it? (To death… as in please stop talking already!)
There are certainly times when a specific talk is in order, like those inevitable occurrences when “boundaries” have been overstepped, or specific “needs” have not been met, or you know (if you read our previous blogs) important matters such as the thingy that needed to be replaced in this specific spot and has not been and now there’s heck to pay… you know those times. (And BTW don’t they sound like soooo much fun?)
Sometimes couples fall into the trap of thinking that if you are going to be in a successful relationship then everything needs to be explained, expressed and dissected.
But let’s think about for a second the other things experts from other fields say about communication… over 90 percent of communication is non-verbal!
Aha!
So here are so many of us yapping away about: “Well I feel this and you didn’t express that…”, when in fact most of our interaction is done non verbally.
So what’s the lesson here you wonder?
Well work on your own damn feelings! Work on being clear about how you feel, work on how you want to treat your loved one rather then over explaining and over expressing your emotions out loud try to figure them out for your self and your non verbal will do the rest for you.
How many heart to hearts (of the full verbal types) have you had with members of your own family? Not that much right? You can probably count those on one hand? And they probably followed something of importance happening.
It never stopped you from loving them and them loving you. Do you know why?
Well, it’s because the relationship you hold with your own kinfolk has an invisible shield that says you are for the most part in a safe familiar territory and as a result you don’t feel the need to be questioning every five days whether the other person loves you or not anymore. You just know.
So what we are saying here is to cultivate that relatively safe and familiar shield around your relationship by working on your own feelings and expectations so that your non verbal communication says: “I love you , I understand you , I am with you”,
instead of verbally addressing every doubt and uncertainty, which becomes very grating eventually.
So can we talk? But let’s not over talk. And let’s let things be when they want to be let be.
The point is not to explain so much but rather practice more understanding. Enough said.J
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